Twilight: Chapter One (I'm skipping the Preface because it's not really a preface anyhow, I think)

Okay, I lied. It's not going to be a Serious Parody. I'm not good at that kind of stuff. Anyhow.

My mom drove me to the airport in Phoenix, and all the while I was thinking about how gorgeous and sunny--not that I can tan :` (  --and how awful and rainy it is in Forks, Washington where my dad lives and I hate it so much OMG it rains, and it's cloudy. Who'd a thought, ikr? And then my mom was like, "Oh, Bella, are you sure?" And I'm like, "Mom, I want to do this," but I was really thinking, "Nonononono noooooo! I hate Forks, don't make me do this!"

But whatever, too late.

So, there was the plane ride, which was fine, but I had to drive a whole hour with Charlie, he's my dad, and since I'm a totally insecure teenage girl I don't really talk much and he doesn't either, so it was super awkward. And he drove his cruiser, since he's police chief, and that's why I so need a car, even though I can't afford it, cuz I don't wanna drive around in a police car.

And, also, I barely had any luggage, cuz Phoenix is all warm and sunny so my clothes weren't suited for awful, rainy Washington. Have I mentioned that it's rainy? But then it turned out Charlie had already gotten me a car, so--

Meh. This is boring. I'll skip to her self-description. It's much whinier. But at least it doesn't mentioned the rain. Honestly, yeah, it's huge in life, but I don't need or want to hear it constantly in a book. Especially not when she's constantly complaining oh my god the rain the rain the rain!

My dad signed me up for the Forks High School, which because it's such a small town, it's the only one. I was not looking forward to be the only new student, which I knew I would be, because it's such a small town. And everyone would already know each other, because it's such a small town. It's a small town.

And, maybe it would be easier if I looked like a real Arizona girl, but no, I'm all pasty, but I'm not a redhead and I don't have black hair, so I look like some sort of albino. And no one likes me and I have bad balance and I can't play sports and I hate my life BAW.

And then I tried to cry myself to sleep but it didn't work because of the RAIN.

Ugh. I can't do anymore, this is awful. I have to have the book open beside me because it's so unmemorable that I can't do this without it. >_< Not the ideal way to spend a evening.

However, I do have an illustrated post about stink bugs Coming Soon, so don't despair. Not yet, anyway. If the apocalypse comes, then you can. I'll try to let you know.